6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
