I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
