ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
