im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your penis caused this!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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