Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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