Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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