jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
