Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
