im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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