I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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