my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
