This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
