I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
