he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
