If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
