idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
