we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
