dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
