Your mouth is God's brothel.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
