It's Friday. Sex?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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