Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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