I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
