just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
