very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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