If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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