and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
