We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
