just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
