that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
