i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
