I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
