census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
