I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
