look no pants
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
