exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
