you would pick up someone in the library
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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