I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
