I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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