am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
50% drunk capacity currently
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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