She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
