who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
