Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
