The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
