your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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