Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You made out with two different species that night
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
