her vagine was all disorganized.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
