then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
