Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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