you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
