I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
