He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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