Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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