You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
