Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
